Lucy was born in 1988 to a famous European circus family and spent her formative years traveling mostly in Eastern Europe, watching from the wings as her mother performed her notorious (and widely held to be illegal) snake charming act in which the snakes were charmed into performing several dubious and highly erotic acts. On reaching her teens, Lucy was incorporated into the family circus horse act where she formed the centre of a number of striking tableaux vivants until her arrest for lewd conduct in 2002.
Her release from prison in 2004 was accompanied by the success du scandale of her prison memoirs, originally written under the title My Prison Memoirs but changed by her publisher to I Was a Teenage Lesbian Prison Slut. The success of the film version, in which she starred, was unfortunately not followed up by a lasting career and Lucy spent some time making a living in gonzo porn movies, where she carved out a specialist niche for herself being filmed having sex on buses, in public parks and on building sites with random strangers.
This led to her second book, You Too Can Have Sex in Public with Random Strangers, a self-help guide that spent six weeks at the top of the Sunday Times Bestseller List before all remaining copies were pulped following one of the most famous obscenity trials of the age.
Her subsequent kidnap in broad daylight from a bus stop and disappearance made headline news, as did her re-appearance, many months later and re-named Red Sonia, as part of a hard-left terror gang who in 2005 held hostage the staff and customers of the Spankarama Club in Soho in an apparent demand for the nationalisation and unionisation of the sex industry, with all sexual services available free at the point of entry. Her negotiations with police, which she insisted on conducting naked and by web-cam live on BBC News 24 have since become BBC Worldwide Enterprises’ biggest-selling DVD.
After her capture and de-brief by military intelligence, Lucy emerged as a leading light on the New Age scene with the opening of her commune in Wiltshire. Followers were encouraged to dress in loose-fitting pink pyjamas and live communal lives, fasting and existing only on the protein contained in spunk (curiously, this rule applied only to female followers with male followers being allowed to go the chip shop). The high point of this period was the success of the thee-day festival of sex, Spunkstock. The low point was the large number of arrests that followed immediately after the festival.
Since then, Lucy has concentrated her talents mostly on her daytime television programme, simply entitled Lucy. The show, a mixture of heart warming personal stories, graphically demonstrated sexual techniques and cake recipes, has been a hit with students and the unemployed. It reached a multi-platform audience through its website, which includes popular instructional items such as Swallow His Cock without Choking, a set of step-by-step video clips, the voiceover introduction to which was sampled in the Chemical Brothers’ 2007 chart-topping Swallow His Cock without Choking in which Lucy can be heard repeating the phrase over and over to a hypnotic trance backing.
In 2008, Lucy was awarded the OBE for services to the sexually frustrated. The court case arising from her alleged behaviour in Buckingham Palace is still pending.
Sodomy, history, cake.
