Things To Beware Of On Your First Day At Work

They say dreams are your brain's way of sorting though and discarding your memories of the day. I think blogging serves a similar function. Very often, when I've written something here my brain simply discards the memory. This is why I looked so very startled when a young man sidled up to me in the middle of the store and pinched my bum today. I stood up suddenly, getting my hair caught in a jumble of coat hangers, and stared at him, my eyes and mouth perfect circles of surprise. He covered his mouth with his hand and blurted, "Oh my God, you are Lucy, aren't you?"

Well of course you can work out what happened, can't you? The pink-faced young man - who turns out, improbably, to be called Etienne - is some kind of film studies student on attachment to C's company who's been sent on the new-boy errand of buying a shirt off me.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, only they said it would be alright and it was some kind of joke that you knew about and now look what I've done, I can't apologise enough - here, stand still, I'll untangle it - oh my God, I'm such an idiot, I can't believe I did that..."

A supervisor is watching us beadily from a distance but it's only going to be a matter of moments before she heads this way. I grab an armful of jackets and propel him into the changing room.

"So, what exactly did they tell you?"

"That you'd just started working here and everyone was helping by coming in to buy things off you and then say how good the service had been, only we weren't to let on and the way you would know who we were was by pinching your...I know, it doesn't sound very convincing, does it, I'm not sure why I believed it really."

I was just about to explain to him that he hadn't been the victim of a practical joke and actually it was all my fault for being a dozy mare, when a more wicked idea struck me. I kissed him. A full-on, lips grinding, tongues thrusting, bodies pressed hotly together snog, breaking away with a gasp. He looked a bit scared.

"What was that for?"

"When you go back to the office and they ask you how you got on, you tell them that. Oh, and that'll be £35 for the shirt."

Comments

[Matt]

I really need a new god damn shirt ! ;-)