Lazy, Unprincipled And Impatient

Odd day yesterday; I went Japanese speed-dating. Not, you understand, in my own capacity but as my friend Itsuko’s speed-dating buddy. Not quite everyone there was Japanese but enough of them were for me to have bumped my head twice doing the ‘bowing-on-greeting’ thing.

I have no small talk so I found it all quite hard work. I also find it very difficult to answer questions like ‘what are you like’. At first I wrote ‘lazy, unprincipled and impatient’ which is true but not much of an opening gambit, so I had to throw that form away and start again.

Each ‘meet’ lasted ten minutes and then a bell was rung and we all swapped round. Ten minutes can be a long time. I threw my list of matches away at the end but Itsuko submitted two names she’d like to swap details with and got an email later in the day confirming that they wanted her details too.

Back home, Itsuko got very stern with me about my hot tub. Apparently I’m doing it all wrong; it’s not polite to just strip off in the garden and jump in quickly before the neighbours see. In Japan, I’d have to sit on a stool and soap and scrub my hair and body first, then rinse it all off and only then get into the tub (and then only in order of family seniority). I tried to distract her by going, “But look, it has coloured lighting…” but she insisted on getting all Japanese on my ass.

In other news, I’ve had an email from another friend with the following questionnaire. If I can tear myself away from thinking about sex for five minutes I might answer it next time.

Do I have a problem with sex addiction?

Why not read through the statements below to see if any of them relate to you?

1.Have you ever tried to control or cut down the amount of sex you have?
2. Have you ever had sex with someone you didn't want to have sex with?
3. Do you need a sexual relationship to make your life bearable?
4. Do you become anxious or even desperate when you are away from your partner?
5. Do you engage in sexual practices that bring you discomfort or pain?
6. Do you feel that life would be meaningless without a sexual relationship?
7. Do you spend a lot of time thinking about sex?
8. Do you feel uncomfortable about masturbation?
9. Have ever had an important relationship ruined through affairs etc?
10. Are you unable to concentrate on other aspects of your life because of thoughts of sex?
11. Do you feel that you lack dignity and completeness?
12. Would your quality of life improve if you were not so driven by sex and romance?